Adventures on Tellene - Stirrot Isle

A crew of half-orcs, a dwarven mage and an elphant-headed cleric walk into a lift.. (Part 1)
Everyone was the punchline at one point...

The Thugs began the day with big, albeit vague, plans of level 3. The level of the Mistress, of animal-headed beasts and a chimera. The very level where they had found the magical toga that Red Hand now wore under his finery, and the glorious mace which adorned the hip of the still relatively neophytic Jeremias.

They were joined on this day by a new recruit, mettle untested, by the name of Jerick. As a self-proclaimed thief Jerick might well have been the perfect compliment to what is otherwise largely an army of brutes, both by reputation and action. Though the optimism at the start would be shriveled by several twists of fate within the next few hours.

As they entered the dungeon familiarity kicked in… the path to the third floor seems second nature to any Thug who has been into the Castle more than once. The exploration of the are was haphazard that day, and the unlikely spectre of caution seemed to weigh on the Thugs.

Initially going east the Thugs found as room full of life-like statues, frozen too perfectly in stone. Something foul was afoot, capable of rendering all men into a stony visage of death. Should the Thugs continue against such seemingly unassailable odds? They checked the room to the north before deciding. In this room they found more statues facing a shimmering wall mural of a cave that ebbed magically. As they realized what was likely happening their expressions turned to universal facial insinuations of ‘fuck-that-shit’ and ’let’s-fucking-bail’. Knowing glances all around, and the delving direction was reverted; back west, then north.

In said direction they found long passages every which way, and stumbled upon (indeed the rumors are true) a lift!

Have you ever heard the old joke: “How many half-orcs does it take to operate a magical lift in an underground castle?” Apparently the answer is two halves of a party, half to the operate the lift and the other half to stay on the third floor and escalate a friendly play fight into a near deadly duel while in dungeon SURROUNDED BY DEADLY FREAKING ANIMAL HEADED ABOMINATIONS THAT CAN DROP FROM THE FREAKING CEILING!!

With the party successfully split Lug, Cholo, Hellscream, Jeremias, Jerick and Boromir found themselves on the 4th floor, with Red Hand and the nameless one remaining above unable to get the lift to operate again

On the 4th floor the party made it through a series of rooms that Lug had to be informed were foul smelling. The corridor adjoining these rooms to the lift gave a view of a huge underground lake and docks. The rooms themselves contained small colorful creatures with lizard-like frills upon their quickly-severed heads. The party then parlayed with some Dwarves, and showing them the lift were in turn showed a way back up to the first floor; sailing out on the lake an climbing up a long shaft.

On the first floor in the circular room they rejoined their companions who were substantially injured from the aforementioned duel. The party healed up and returned to the dungeon at a later time.

Upon returning they headed to level 3 where they immediately encountered the dwarves again. This time the encounter went quite differently. Red Hand upon learning that one of the dwarves was a mage turned on his classic Red Hand charm and after a brief exchange that involved excessive use of the word ‘cunt’ the mage proceeded to paralyze him. Seeing this as a clearly hostile action the party charged the mage. Perhpas a little under-informed about the power of mages they were surprised when seconds later, though the mage had been stabbed with a deftly placed spear she was able to with a single spell leave Cholo, Jerick, Hellscream and the nameless one all crumpled on the floor on the verge of death. Realizing that they had been bested Lug tried diplomacy and the dwarves left, taking with them Cholo and Hellscream’s weapons, which were returned later. The party licked their wounds, grabbed the still-frozen Red Hand and headed back to the Salty Dog. 12 hours later Red Hand unfroze. Lesson learned: do not anger high level dwarven mages… no… perhaps don’t anger any mage.


The Unsuccessful Mapping of the First Floor

The date was set for a routine mapping of the first floor of Stirrot Castle. The level, having been combed over and picked to the bone by numerous adventuring parties, having been rid of the menace of Garzee, having had its various trolls and goblins vanquished, suggested no challenge. The only challenge to the mapping that anyone might have suspected was the sheer size of the place. Our players in this most routine and tedious task were Luggard Luddox, Jeremias, the thug known as Thug, an astute member of the noble guild of cartographers… and… yup… Boromir.

As the group ventured into the castle by the main entrance their weapons were slung haphazardly in scabbards and sheaths, the ease that comes with familiarity written on their unconcerned faces. This state of affairs would be short lived. The cartographer began his scribbling, and the party ventured in their familiar northward direction.

It was at that first section, a left-turn that formed a familiar T-junction, passed countless times before, that Jeremias noticed something strange. He explained to his compatriots that the wall to their right seemed to him to be quite off in color. Lug fumbled around at the wall, until suddenly it swung open in its entirety. The T-junction had become a 4 way intersection, and the newly revealed path was odd to say the least.

Staring down the path they saw the floor was an incredible blue color, and they saw no less than 7 doors on their right hand side. The castle is full of surprises.

Now at this point they had mapped perhaps 50 square feet total, not even a tiny part of their mundane mission. However, something seemed to draw them to adventure, as inexorably as a glutton to a feast. No argument was raised when Lug directed them down the hall to the first door in the blue area.

Behind the first door was found a shattered table and a decrepit bookshelf. One learns quickly in Stirrot Castle to look more closely at all things. Subsequently a passage was discovered at the back of the room behind the book shelf. This small passage lead the party to a corridor line with murals of horrific torture and countless bones scattered all about. Heading down the corridor and turning right they found a door. Beyond which they found another corridor obscured some ways down by a thick unnatural black smoke. Adventure is not unlike a snowball, and the momentum had crossed that invisible threshold when recklessness takes over. Lug did not hesitate and led the party through the smoke.

As they breached the smoke on the other end they found themselves facing an undead skeleton sitting on a throne in scale mail and carrying an intimidating battleaxe. Jeremias, carrying Sacrimace, was well aware that the the very purpose of his weapon was to vanquish the undead. The rest of the party were equally stalwart, they being fueled by the love of a good fight and the thirst for glory… they charged.

Jeremias clutching his holt symbol turned the wretch. It ran in fear, and unable to go anywhere was struck hard by Sacrimace, which glowed, almost in satisfaction of fulfilling its purpose. Recovering and rabid in the heat of battle the skeletal foe landed an early telling blow on Jeremias, who, unarmored, went down convulsing. The others quickly realized that even the strongest blows from their mundane weapons did scarcely anything to the horror. Lug took Sacrimace to continue the battle and held his ground for over a minute of intense combat; dodging, weaving and striking. When Jeremias came to Lug was astonished to find that the mace had disappeared from his hand and appeared in Jeremias’. The young cleric-in-training was able to finalize the victory of the thugs despite his wounds.

Having made such a detour of the mission, and brutally injured, the brave adventurers sought the surface. They handed over what they had found at the desk and returned to the Salty Dog to share their tale.

Night Falls in Stirrot

Nothing seems amiss.

Tales of Stirrot (10.11.14)

It is the Vengeful Two and a Half’s day off or specifically 2 days off. They plan to spend one day preparing for entering Castle Stirrot and the second exploring the deadly halls.

The first day was spent wrapping up loose ends from the last adventure and selling the loot they found. They also went to investigate some rumours that were going around town about possible work in Westport. Thinking this to be a short task requiring no more than a day, they investigated. The quest they received seemed easy enough but little did they know of the danger ahead.

You may have already heard of the valor of the Burnished Blades as they took down a sect of the Temple of Strife who were participating in the foul act of human sacrifice. Well, whilst the Temple would not have been destroyed without the Blades help, it could also never have been accomplished without also the Vengeful Two and a Half’s planning and investigation.
Through trickery and silver tongues (and alcohol). The order was infiltrated and convinced to reveal the location of their hideout. Heroically leading the other half of the party and the burnished blades directly there. The alliance of groups managed to storm the den of evil and purge the Order including the so called leader of the group. In the process they also managed to rescue a potential victim of the orders machinations.

Despite taking a few hits, the Vengeful Two and a Half and the pair from the Burnished blades managed to survive the fight and purge this blight upon the city of Stirrot. Further investigation of the Orders hideout revealed plans to eventually invade the city and kill all it’s inhabitants. This deadly spark was quenched long before it could be fanned to flame.

The Blades are truly a force to be reckoned with and the Vengeful Two and a Half thank them for their help in this grave matter.

Half-Orc Mages of Stirrot
A Poem Written by a Mediocre Bard from West Port

There are three orc mages of which I know
Each more vile and cunning than the last
Each green beast conduit to magick’s flow
Each from some obscure and dangerous past

The first, Lulu, seems wretched to the core
Speaks incantations soft through jagged teeth
He stalks Stirrot streets, deep in self-rapport
Fools fear his visage, the wise what’s beneath

Next is Garbonzo, named The Great by some
Mangled features, burned flesh like Lulu’s too
Surrounds himself with other half-orc scum
Whom he and Lucky deign to call a crew

The third orc with such power at command
Of course; the infamous bastard Red Hand

Adventure Log (Nov. 2nd)
Of Maces and Men

Consent to search is a tricky concept for Half-Orcs. The scene of Lug flanked by four green-skinned Thugs stripping to full nudity would have disturbed Chad, had it not become almost ritualistically repetitive at this point. Rules are rules however, and as long as Mrs. Chad never caught glimpse of what Cholo Swag was packing then it was at most a minor inconvenience. Rounding out the crew were Red Hand, Hellscream, Thug the Thug and torcher-bearers Bormir and Jeramiah. This is a rough recount of what Chad saw that day:

The Thugs enter with surprisingly few insults thrown at guards. Red Hand scribes a veritable essay in the complaint book, save for spelling mistakes and complete lack of all grammar it is a compelling argument against the Registration of Mages Act. The Thugs seem to discuss level three with eagerness if not uncontrollable gold-lust.

A single hour later they emerge. Several are bloodied and Hellscream is visibly limping. They carry a fair bit of treasure including a stash of steel bars. They stumble off in the direction of The Halls of Wonder, ostensibly to seek healing. Chad makes a mental note never to visit level three, heck level two even.

They return less than an hour later, healed up, jubilantly talking about Cholo and Hellscream bashing in the skulls of the Bruiser Brothers. Chad makes a mental note never to cross either of them. Additionally Cholo has a shit-eating grin on his face and a gigantic purple two-handed sword. Chad makes a mental note to visit the halls of wonder, the mental notes are beginning to pile up.

Eventually Cholo and Hellscream emerge hours apart, and the Sometime Six enter as well.

It seems the remaining Thugs are going to be delving through the night as the bell tolls closing time. That is until Lucky bursts out at the last second, followed by the remaining crew, nothing particularly noteworthy until Chad sees Jeramiah. Jeramiah has an almost visible glow and carries an over-sized gilded mace that looks like it could smash a mountain and still be worth a couple of castles in silver. The torch-bearer, of all people. Whatever the fuck has happened in the castle Chad gives up on comprehending, he needs some sleep.

As he turns in to work the next shift he makes one final mental note: it doesn’t seem like anyone saw the Sometime Six emerge from the dungeon that day, or the next.

Garzee Garzee: A Children's Rhyme
Footnote found in a historians text

The following is a transcription of a children’s rhyme that has become popular around Stirrot Castle. It occurs in many different versions with different verses being added, but the ones included here seem common to most versions that I have heard. The rhymes involves dancing in a circle while singing the chorus “GARZEE GARZEE” after which one child will jump into the center to sing a verse. Upon reaching the last verse everyone sings, and the word ‘thug’ is dragged out as long as possible, followed by a quick singing of the last line and all the children falling to the ground as if having been vanquished and usually bursting out laughing.

Garzee Garzee

An upstart goblin lout was he
Made his way about did he
Sought the castle out did he
Found something no doubt did he

Garzee Garzee

Took that twisted staff did he
Thought he’d have a laugh you see
Didn’t know the half did he
Now he’s coming after thee

Garzee Garzee

The staff warped his mind so quick
With its evil bag of tricks
Where the castle walls were bricks
He set children’s flesh to stick

Garzee Garzee

With all that power he was smug
Till there came the cleric Lug
With many a brave half-orc thuggggggg…..
And squashed him like a bug!

A Letter to Talon
Pick yourself up, boy.

Dearest Talon,

Less than a day in Stirrot and already you are asking for my help and money? I sent you on your way with all that I had to give. Do not forget my generosity and take this as a lesson. I have faith you’ll find the means to accomplish our goals. This is but a minor setback. Pick yourself up, boy. You know what to do, don’t you? Have you forgotten how to make an example?

Give my love to Merlyl. I hear Inky has set off for Stirrot in search of him. Has she arrived yet? The girls are always asking about news of you. I’ll have the decency to not mention your most recent exploits.

Love and Kisses,
Madame D

Dermott's Diary - Excerpt #1
Hole Sweet Hole

I have met so many friends lately! Molly says she’s very proud of me for meeting new people. I get the feeling that she might feel a little overwhelmed, so I’m trying to be very caring yet give her space. Things will be easier when we move into our new home. I already have a lovely spot picked out.

The dungeon we mucked about in seems an odd place. People seem to be on edge and at each others throats. They are free to be who they be, but a little common courtesy goes a long way. I wish that fellow hadn’t bitten me so quickly without so much as a hello or a handshake. He moved so quick it was other-worldy. I’ll be nursing those wounds for the next week or so. Not sure how he got the jump on me after I gave that door such a wallop.

After sustaining these wounds it was best to keep in the rear. I couldn’t bare to have Molly worrying over me. Luck would have it, this allowed me to discover two poor chaps tied up and in a bad state. I freed them when we got to the surface and had hoped they might help me begin construction of my den. After I freed them however, I’m sure it was their shock that drove them to run for their families. With a sigh, I returned to Molly; sad that they didn’t take my offer, but satisfied with helping them find freedom.

I was pleased to find Molly a present while I was adventuring. Beautiful things for a beautiful woman. This accordion screen isn’t much to look at yet, but I plan to refurbish it over the next few weeks and make it look like new again.

Merlyl's log
First Day

So i came to this island thinking one thing, it is secluded and small, a perfect place to hide out and open up shop. told the fool at the docks that i was opening a cheese shop. guess its as good a front as any, perhaps i could get talon in on this venture… perhaps wine, he likes wine, although he did come up with a nice name for it, Killer Fromage. it has a nice ring to it.

anyways, this woman and her human walk up to us at the docks asking if we wanna go dungeon exploring. Talon wanted to go so i have no qualms with it, but i swear that human even looks at me funny and ill cut his balls off.

When we finally got to the castle there was not much to be seen, just a few shoddy buildings and not much else, inside there was some dog thing that blew itself up, it was pretty funny, talon should have seen the look on his own face, hilarious. hes gonna get himself killed one day if he doesnt own up to his fears.

we took a look around, the human turns out to not be useless because of his mapmaking, who needs maps though when you got brains? these guys said treasure, i say a fucking fork. anyways i bagged it cause nobody else wanted to. Turns out it was probably worth something as these filthy human cunts by the name of magnificant 7 stole it from me after the human shits himself and drops his weapon, useless human. Io on the otherhand cant fight so potentially equally useless there, although she seems to be hiding herself cleverly, ill have to consider that if i dont end up killing these blighters.

talon wants to kill the magnificunt 7, i just wanna kill. well find them and kill them i guess, in the mean time…

you notice the paper is sprayed with a gentle misting of blood and the name below writen in said blood
Merlyl, Assassin


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